what a week

this was a week of happiness and love for everyone else...
which meant a week of doing whatever they wanted for me.

i really, really loved it though. there are these people that i get to have in my life for some crazy reason who are just so amazing. and i am honored that they allowed me to be a part of some of the biggest and most significant events that will ever happen in their lives this week. i find it odd that, in the times when you think you are in a place to bless and care for someone else, you often wind up being the one blessed. how does that work?

for those of you whom i had intended to see but didn't, please don't be offended. i just really wanted to be with my niece as much as possible. i have a new wonder and respect for all parents out there. and the idea is more daunting than ever, not because of all of the insane changes in body and schedule and lifestyle so much as the unbelievable amount of love that little humans create in those who made them. love like that scares me a little bit...

and the wedding sure was lovely too. i don't know if i could ever get all of that stuff pulled together. there are just so many people to organize and details to arrange. and neither the bride nor the groom even live in town anymore. yet it worked out and all went smoothly. i met some of my most important people's most important people and got to spend some time with some of my own that i haven't seen in a while.

happiness and love sure can be tiring, though. i'm totally beat, mentally and physically. this was not an "easy" travel day, and also, training for a marathon in all this madness is a bit of a challenge. and also, i really can't believe i have to go back to work tomorrow.

life is an amazing ride, no? i like it so much.
thanks for being part of it, friends.

a baby's a'comin'-- woo hoo!!!

look out world...

fast forward rewind

i got my hair cut today. i now have bangs, which i haven't had since fourth grade. if i didn't trust julia so much i'd be scared about this, but i feel like she hasn't led me astray yet so i'm just going with it for now. plus really, it's just hair. i only hope all goes well with the bridesmaid hair next weekend. that can be tricky anyway...

sorry for the pressure of that last post. i have become a bit concerned about this whole fundraising thing lately because it's not going so well. the running part is going great and my mileage is steadily increasing. my body feels strong and i am starting to think this whole thing might really be doable after all. the money part is what worries me now, but i'm just going to believe that it will happen in good time. i think maybe i talk too much about the running part and not enough about the good cause part. it's just that i'm so selfish that all i ever think about is me.

it turns out that my favorite resident will be around for four more weeks, he's just switching to a different clinic. i feel kind of relieved by this, actually, because he has been a bright spot in the midst of some dark attitudes. it will be nice to come back to at least one friendly face.

it's time for me to put the bangs to bed. i will most certainly be seeing some of you very soon, and boy am i looking forward to it.

beginnings and endings

the first batch of residents will have their last day next week while i'm gone. nobody else in the clinic really cares because they will cycle through again on rotations in the future, but for me it's a little sad because i probably won't ever see them again. i hope the next group is as fun as these guys. and dr. h better buy me my coffee before he leaves. i tell you, never trust surgeons...

just kidding.

today was full of brand new things and repeating other things again to make them comfortable. i'm learning all the time and actually becoming competent. this is the best part of beginnings: the part where everything is still newish and so not entirely boring, but old enough to not be scary or stressful.
one of the residents told me i should have been a surgeon today. novel idea. but way too much responsibility for me right now. i like the people to be conscious when i work with them. that's what makes this fun for me, not the technical challenge.

do you all know that i could become an aunt at any second?

also, why are all my friends getting hurt lately?
annie: stitches?
paul: ankle? (can we still have lunch? maybe wednesday?)
everyone please be extra careful. i don't want any more of this kind of comment. helmets are recommended.

IS ANYBODY GOING TO SUPPORT MY MARATHON???
just wondering. if you can't i suggest making a rich friend soon or i'm just going to keep bugging you poor saps endlessly. don't say i didn't warn you.
and please keep in mind, it's not really that you're supporting all the hundreds of miles that i'm running so much as

YOU'RE HELPING TO CURE CANCER!

if you support me you will get a reward. and i don't just mean in heaven. contact me for more info. or donate at will on my website, linked to the right.

this is now way too long for one post, but you're troopers and i know you'll make it to the end.
here it is!

one million degrees

today was hot in seattle. i made some bad choices and am still suffering the dehydrated consequences. please be more responsible than me and drink lots and lots and lots of fluids (such as gatorade or v8 in addition to plain water) when it is hot. neglecting to do so can cause all kinds of trouble including but not limited to low alcohol tolerance and poor running performance.

it is weird how things that once were so strange can become totally normal. i remember feeling like such an imposter fall quarter walking around the hospital with my stethoscope on. now it is simply another tool i use all the time with ease and comfort.
interacting with the big scary surgeons is becoming that way too. i am remembering how they are really just people like everyone else, even if they do perform incredible and sometimes god-like feats everyday. i think they probably feel pretty weird about what they do sometimes too, and it maybe even freaks them out a bit when they stop and think about the things they do to people on a daily basis. everyone always treats them like they are so unbelievable, higher than the rest of humanity, brilliant and skilled and worthy of their service. and while i agree that these folks are incredibly intelligent, dedicated to and gifted at their profession, i think they still like to feel like the rest of us normals sometimes. i think that's why i am starting to get along with some of them pretty well. they can joke with me and be weirdos instead of always having to be so serious and stiff. these folks are so often dealing with such serious and complicated patients that getting two minutes to just goof off and laugh with someone seems to really do them good. and it helps me to enjoy being there just a bit more. how mutualistic.
yesterday i made a bet with one of the residents. i won. he owes me a coffee.

10 days till vacation. night.

can you tell me

why some people are just so unfriendly?

it seems to me that, when given the choice (and i think we always have a choice), most people choose to be angry for a large portion of their lives. now sometimes it is entirely understandable and anger is warranted. other times it is explainable even if not right, like when someone chooses to feel anger instead of hurt or sadness.

but then there are these times when it just seems completely ridiculous and unnecessary. i think that i would rather be nice and happy instead of bitter and angry. life seems better that way, and way too short to waste being pissed the whole time. so often the anger i see isn't even about anything meaningful or important or significant. it's petty and silly, and if the angry person had a little bit of perspective they would see what a waste of energy it is.

i think i am thinking about this because i have seen it in me recently. all of the sudden i will become aware that i'm totally pissed about something--and wonder why. today i was there when a patient was told they have terminal cancer. perspective.

in the past 12 months a whole mess of stuff has happened and what i am yet again remembering is that life is a whole mess of stuff, good and tough and gross and wonderful. and it is all awesome and terrible and totally worth living instead of simply getting through. because one day we will get through it and then there won't be any more, and even though what comes next is supposed to be so much better, sometimes i still think i'm really going to miss this whole crazy place.

sometimes i just get lost in my chatter...

whatever is going on in your life right now i hope you have a chance to slow down and feel thankful about something and be amazed by how weird and incredible it is to be alive today.

run the plank

how many of you had already finished a 5k by 7:30 this morning?
i like mornings like this, getting up early, being active and having the whole rest of the day for other nice things. also, the race was pirate-themed, which sets the stage for an excellent day.

it is time for me to get serious about fundraising for my marathon. (for those of you who have not heard about this, i am training for a marathon in october to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society.) i sent letters to everyone in my address book, but i think i'm going to need to cast my net a bit more broadly to reach my goal. if you have any interest in supporting me supporting a great cause, please visit the link to the right called "marathon" for some very brief and generic information, or contact me directly. it's a good excuse to catch up a bit, right? you can also donate online at said website, which lots of people say is much easier and more convenient than sending checks to me directly.

thanks so much to those of you who have already supported me!
i still need to raise a bit over $3000 (that is not a typo). i can accept donations even after the marathon is over in october, but i'm really trying to meet my goal by the mid-august deadline. just think about it. (i am trying to decide what kind of prize people should get for contributing--besides the warm feeling they get from doing something really good for other people.)
my aunt died of a blood cancer about six years ago, and i often wonder what would have happened if she had gotten sick a few years later. the leukemia and lymphoma society is working to make blood cancers treatable conditions that people can either live with long term or cure outright. they think that this goal is achievable by 2015. that amazes me and it seems crazy that i get to be a tiny little part of that. let me know if you have any questions etc.

weekends sure are nice, but they go by so darn quickly. my boss is out for the next two weeks, which is bound to make things around the clinic very interesting. i'm preparing to be pulled in many directions at once.
i'll be in athens again in two weeks.
paul: lunch for real this time? that would be nice.

have a great monday friends.

festivities

happy fourth of july everyone.
all the little capitalists in the neighborhood are out selling lemonade today. God bless america!

the whole neighborhood has gone nuts with the fireworks the last few days. it's more than a little scary, actually, as i keep feeling like some idiot is going to blow me up. (do i sound as old and serious as i think i do?) if ever there was going to be any kind of terrible event in seattle, tonight would be the night because distractions abound. our stupid neighbors are the worst. mostly they're drunk and belligerent and don't realize that most of the people in the neighborhood actually own their homes instead of renting like they do and therefore would care if their place caught on fire. call me crazy, but whenever drunk people play with explosives it seems like a pretty bad idea. i'm just saying...

i don't want to go back to work tomorrow. it has been so nice to have today off. the sunshine, and the barbecue, and the pie, and the company was all so delightful. a girl couldn't ask for much more.

hope you felt totally independent today but still got to be with someone you love. for all her faults, america really is a great place.