time's a-tickin'

does anybody else want to support my marathon??? i have mere days to raise the rest of my funds, and could still really, really REALLY use the help.
plus, it will make you feel so good inside. and i'll send you a thank you letter. which will make you feel even better.


the madness is mad.ness. i will be tired all the time. and probably uncomfortable with things--until i get bored. there will be about four days in the middle when i am happy to finally have the hang of things, but that will still be another month. for now, i'm simply weary thinking about everything that has to happen and is to come. it's all about the baby steps. bite-sized morsels. chips of life.

also, i am sorry.

and finally, MARATHON.
do it.
please and thank you.

like a kid in a candy shop

music stores and used book shops. enough said.

the madness starts tomorrow. it was nice knowing all of you.
and if you get a moment, pray. i am feeling anxious. life is much too full for one girl over the next month.

thanks.

i wish i were a little bit taller

right now i feel like a whiny little kid about everything. but i don't want to clean my room! (i just want it to magically already be done.) i don't want to go back to school! i don't want to start a new job and have to readjust my schedule again!

sheesh. i drive even myself crazy sometimes.

really, all i do want to do is read books and sleep for days.
it has been a good summer overall, and really, i actually am looking forward to heading back to school and i'm totally excited about the new job. it's just the transition part of it all. i hate the getting started part, the part where i'm not really sure where i'm supposed to be going or what people expect of me, the part where i'm new and have to ask zillions of questions all the time instead of knowing even simple things. i hate feeling incompetent and needy. i know that in a month i will be settled in and things will be better. it's just waiting out the beginning of it all. can i say "humble?"

running log:
training has been mentally challenging lately--i have had to really work to get myself out the door the past few weeks and stick to all the miles the schedule tells me to run. i hate that. i don't want to get to the marathon and wish i'd done more to prepare. but i also realize that part of my trouble is that i'm not really being very sensible about myself and my goals. the thing is, contrary to popular belief, i am not an elite athlete. really. but i want to be. i keep thinking that i should be able to run at a certain pace or that certain routes should be a lot easier than they are.
but what i have been missing is that i'm still doing a lot of hard work, and overall i really have made a fair bit of progress. why is it so hard to just be happy with all i am able to do instead of always wishing i were capable of more? it means i fail every time i go out instead of accomplishing something great. defeatest attitude = messed. up.

welcome to my inner workings. feel free to leave at any time.

i think all of this is fall's fault. this time of year is always a bit melancholy and it seems to make me feel a bit anxious and overwhelmed each year. i will comfort myself by buying new school supplies and a new school outfit. and maybe even a lunch box...
hey, it worked when i was a kid.

the time has come

well, it's that time again. time to go home. time to return to reality and all of the chaos of starting school and real life again. i must say, vacation is nice.

i will tell you all that, while i like you a lot, my niece might be my favorite person in the world right now. i never really realized how much i would love her until i actually met her and we got to hang out. it's hard to live so far away.

the internets are free at the columbus airport. it ain't so at most other airports, which kind of surprises me and kind of makes sense. i would have thought that some of the bigger airports like chicago and minneapolis would surely offer the internet--which they do, but of course they charge you for it. seattle is the same way, which in my peabrain seems somehow wrong. columbus = free. seattle = pay. perhaps it is the midwestern hospitality in action. or something.

also in the columbus airport there are police officers on segways. i have never seen this at any other airport either. if i am honest with you, i kind of think that segways are wrong. they make me mad. why can't people just walk? what is so wrong with walking? internets, segways... perhaps columbus is just very technologically advanced.

16 teenage boys in red and navy warmup suits just walked by. they are clearly a team of sorts--three of them are sneaking away from their one adult chaperone and heading to wendy's. one time when i was young i snuck away from summer camp. i can't imagine the fear that the counselor felt when she counted her campers and found me missing... at least these boys are a little older and self-sufficient.

well, it's time to go through security and get to my gate. i have traveled a lot in my life, and sometimes it has been for fun and sometimes it has been sad. airports always make me think, i always wonder where people are going and coming from and why they're traveling. it's a little universe all boiled down and condensed into one small building.

deep thoughts complete. i will now put my shampoo on the conveyor belt and take off my shoes. catch you later, bill and ted.

full circle

one year ago today i left athens in a cloud of dust and chaos. it was about this time that i was reaching chicago after driving through horrific downpours of both rain and tears. what a time. now i am on my way back, if only for another short visit.

i know it seems like i'm always looking backwards and reflecting on things in the past, but this last year has really held a lot of big stuff for me. i think all of the looking back helps me to see how far i have come and how much i have to look forward to in the future. i think this year is going to be a pretty big one too, so get ready for more ponderings from my past.

as i was waiting for my connection in the salt lake city airport this afternoon, i witnessed a woman in a bright red sweatsuit doing some pre-flight yoga. normally i would have been mildly impressed, or at least understanding of these health conscious activities. but in this case she was performing some very scandalous moves while on a bench in the middle of the terminal. parents and their children passed by her while she did series after series of various pelvic tilts atop her makeshift stage. more than a few conversations halted as pilots and passengers alike caught site of her bending in unnatural ways and "deep breathing" very loudly.

when things like this happen, i tend to feel uncomfortable. it seems to me that this sort of display should embarrass that person, and the fact that it doesn't or doesn't enough to keep them from doing it makes me think. am i just too concerned about what other people think, or should i feel even worse for that person because they don't even have enough sense to be embarrassed?

probably both.

and also, i got a job! it's in the emergency department at children's hospital. i'm really excited and more than a bit nervous. everything will be starting at the same time: school, this job, my psych rotation and my community health rotation... it's pure madness, i tell you!
but in a good way.

tidbits

i got a lovely 4-day weekend, complete with jessica meyer, mt rainier, a half marathon, and even a tiny bit of sleep.

today was my last tuesday at work. tomorrow is my last wednesday.
hoo.ray.
and yet i always seem to get a bit sentimental at endings. i know it will actually be really good for me to get away from the negativity and stress of that environment, but there are a few good men it's tough to leave behind.

this evening i walked home from work because i was supposed to have a phone interview with a lady at children's. i really really really hope i get a job there. i didn't think they would follow through on my interview because i'm going to be gone winter quarter and they don't like this. and what it seems like to me is that when they interview you, it generally means they plan to offer you a job. the lady never called, which was weird and a little annoying. but really all it meant was that i had time to stop and pick 800 pounds of blackberries from a bush in the neighborhood. the delicious berries were literally falling off the branches, so i didn't feel bad at all about how many i ended up carting home. i will make jam and pies tomorrow. yummmm. that is one thing about seattle that i really love. blackberry bushes abound.

hotmail does not want to send you my letter. which makes it tough to ask you for money. please do not hesitate to go to my marathon site and donate lots. i need an embarrassing amount still, and i need it by september 15. yikes.

s.o.a.p.

it seems that just when you feel like things are really calming down and finally kind of normal, that's exactly when something totally unexpected happens. life has an amazing knack for being completely unpredictable, non?

in nursing there is this thing called a s.o.a.p. note. you use this format when initially assessing a patient to see what's going on and what should be done about it. the letters stand for subjective, objective, assessment, and plan. and really, this isn't a bad formula to use for things that come up in life either.

first you ask the patient what they think is going on: explain the problem, how does it feel, what makes it better or worse, etc.; this is when the patient tells their side of the story.
then you do an objective analysis of physical systems and conditions: heart rate and rythm, blood pressure, pulse rate, temperature, oxygen saturation, reflexes, condition of injuries, etc.; this is concrete evidence that might indicate dysfunction or problems to cause whatever ailment the patient presented with.
the assessment combines the first two sets of data to form a diagnosis of the patient's condition.
and finally, a plan is created to address the problems related to the diagnosis and either fix said problems or make them bearable for the patient to live with.

honestly, i don't think this way naturally. and i don't even really use this format very often unless i am told to directly by an instructor or employer. but i do think it is a pretty useful way to address problems. i like that it includes both a subjective and an objective portion before coming to any conclusions. i think people often think these two are separate entities, but our minds and bodies are so connected. and i like that it is so methodical and organized because i have been known to be more emotional than practical, and this provides a systematic and balanced way of dealing with problems.
oh nursing school, look at what you've done to me...