whatcha doin'?

today i woke up late to an empty house. i sat in the living room and listened to the real stereo knowing that there was no chance anyone would walk in halfway through "wait wait don't tell me" or interrupt the flow of "this american life." i read out on the front steps in the sunshine with the door open, not fearing the dog would run out, or thinking i should clean up my breakfast dishes before getting settled out there.
it's nice to have space sometimes and i am going to thoroughly enjoy it until wednesday.

i have so much to do this weekend, though. i'm way behind in school and i have a plethora of scholarship applications due and i have to hurry up and get my junk together so i can get out of the stupid research class they're trying to make me take this summer. please pray that i can get out of the stupid research class they're trying to make me take this summer. it's a whole lot of money for a whole lot of nothing. and i've already done most of it anyway because remember? i already graduated once. and also, you made us take classes very similar in order to get in. right.

how is a girl ever supposed to listen to all of the good music that exists in the world? every now and then i realize that i have missed something huge, like an entire genre, or decade, or something equally as extensive. and then i feel that i not only have to keep up with what's happening now but also catch up on what i missed. i basically realize that i will always be ignorant and outdated, and this fact is true in not only the music world, but also that of books and movies too. i blame school and having to have a real job. that stuff just really gets in the way.

hello girls and boys

i really wish there were thunderstorms here. that is one thing i will never not miss.

there is this lilac bush growing in the yard a few houses up the street. there is a big stone retaining wall along the street and the yard is probably 8 feet above the sidewalk. i pass by every time i go home, and i always forget the bush is even there because it's so high up and i'm sort of little. but then i get this big, sweet breath of the blossoms and i look up and remember how beautiful it looks and smells. it's a shame that things like this that make me so happy also make me so allergically miserable. but let's just not think about that.

and now it is time for a few messages:

mich-consider this my entry in your guestbook. and i can't believe you still haven't linked me...

katie-i want to know the answer to michele's question too. i'm just not brave enough to ask like she did.

tori-thanks for the update. i want to know more. and it is possible that if they ever hold an event like that again i would fly in for it, so you let me know.

bob-i always thought you were created, not born. huh. well, happy birthday!

lynds/jess-i hope my translating skills helped you guys feel a little closer. and speaking of links, can i add you to my list lyndsey?

patrick-i'm glad you didn't get electrocuted because i really like knowing you.

i have messages for the rest of you too, but it suddenly seems sort of strange to write to ones when everyone else can also read it.
oh man, i need another nap before dinner. or maybe another coffee. peace out, rescue rangers.

what would you do for a klondike bar

right now i am:
1. ruining my appetite
2. not writing my paper.

today i got to have lunch with megan and then we had my favorite coffee in seattle and sat in the sunshine on broadway and watched people and chatted for a while. it was really nice that i got to see her while she's out here and catch up a bit. it was fun to be with someone from athens and to talk about things there while sitting along a busy street in the city. it kind of put a new perspective on life here and highlighted some of the things i really like about living in a metropolitan area. big cities and small towns both have so much to offer and i love that i have experienced both.

i just want to tell you that having a bucket full of water in your bedroom can be a real hazard. be careful about dropping things in--especially if it's next to any electrical appliances like mine is.

i realized this morning when waking up still exhausted after nearly 10 hours of sleep that the foggy mindset and "lazy bones" syndrome i am experiencing is due to seasonal allergies. every year i spend a few weeks thinking i'm getting sick or fighting off some terrible plague only to realize that it's just that time of year again. it really puts a damper on life sometimes; it just makes things so hard. generally my form of relief comes through gallons of coffee. the usual drugs like allegra, zyrtec, and claritin usually just make me even more groggy and miserable, so i simply try to overpower the tireds with caffeine and running.

nobody cares about this. i don't even think i do.
hope your day was as sunny as ours.

sorry jessi,

for not posting more often. it's just that i don't have anything good to say right now. or at least i can't put it into words that anybody would be interested in reading. my mind looks like my room right now, which means it's hard enough to find the things i need let alone anything else. i really don't know how i did it fall quarter, or even last quarter. i suppose when it's at it's worst you just forge ahead without thinking about it. but now that i get to think about it it feels bad. i kind of just want to toss everything i own and start from scratch. i know that's not so efficient, but stuff can be so cumbersome.

this morning was breakfast and bowling. it was as great as it sounds. you get a free game with breakfast and then each game is only 69 cents if you get there early, or 89 cents before 11. what a deal! and the company was good. josh and angela and rosie leave on wednesday. i wish it weren't so, but it's going to be good for them.

okay, i gotta get a move on. later fools.

night of the living dead

including harry lime and lulamae barnes. and also some people i used to know...

it was a good weekend. i learned a lot about myself this weekend, thanks in part to some belligerent drunks, a day of near silence, and some nice strangers who came to burn things. i don't really know what to do about any of this new information, but we'll get to that part next.

earlier the weather forecast had four suns. now we are down to 1/2. that just sucks.

what other vague references could i make?
i guess that's all for now.

W O W

today i took care of a 2 week old baby who was born 6 weeks premature and with its intestines outside its body. this was my first pediatric patient.

(NOTE: to those of you who are currently pregnant or ever plan to be, this is a really rare condition, is diagnosed prenatally, and is correctable.)

also, children's hospital is like a brand new universe. and also, sick babies are kind of scary. it was tiny and amazing, and until today, doing really well. some complications arose today, first observed when it projectile vomited into my pocket. at first i thought i dodged a real bullet, only getting a little on my sleeve while the rest shot onto the floor. but then, while reaching to retrieve a pen so i could note the incident, it came out covered in baby barf and i realized the kid puked right into my shirt pocket, it had soaked through, and finally dribbled all down the left side of my body. it was actually quite impressive. now the trick is figuring out why this happened and making it better.

the part with the baby was actually pretty awesome. the technical stuff was much more difficult. i learned a ton of really important stuff in all the most stressful, demeaning, and embarrassing ways possible. but i will surely remember it all next time and hopefully do a good job.

anyway, i came home and washed all the barf off, and now i'm going to go drink some beers and rock out. life is a real adventure, isn't it?


(i am not allowed to tell you if it was a boy or girl, hence the "it" references above. it just seems like something to explain...)

age appropriate

lately i feel like the middle child. it's pretty great. i get to spend time in both worlds, and i fit in each. i don't have to choose one or worry about the other because i am delightfully in between. i'm really liking it and taking full advantage of this time. i had a feeling 27 would be good.

i need to get a job. the end of the quarter is when i realize this the most. i'm your stereotypical aid recipient: the check comes and looks really big, really exciting. so i go out and spend it, so happy to be able to do anything without the nagging fear of overdrawing my account. but then the end of the quarter creeps up, and i suddenly realize how small the balance is and how much it still has to cover.
but getting a job right now is tricky.
here is some unsolicited insight into me:
i tend to devise all sorts of plans and daydream about possibilities a lot. it's like a little "choose your own adventure" in my mind. for example, the summer has about 11 options so far. which is really happy and exciting, but it also affects what i do with myself right now. if i wind up doing option a, then i should really do xyz right now. but if a doesn't work out, which i won't know until they get back to me about job j, then my next choice would be option b. which would mean that now i should probably w to get ready for b. and if i do get job j, then i can't apply for the job that's open now because j would both be better in the long run and would make option a possible. but i want to be working as soon as possible in case j doesn't work out, and even if job j does work out it doesn't start until june...

i am my own worst enemy.

life is all about choices, right? and so far, even the ones that haven't made any sense or the ones that i doubted or questioned at the time have all turned out fine. i'm doing alright.

this morning, inspired by the amazing critters that have captured both my heart and imagination, i spent my class time creating some drawrings of my own. you will never see them posted anywhere, but i will say that it most definitely made the time pass more quickly and funly. it's sad to say, but half of my classes this quarter are a complete and utter waste of time and will have to become more productive in some way. yesterday i used the hours to study for our midterm today. it's a really expensive study hall.
but hey, at least i'm studying.

thank you, sarah

this makes me very happy.

three cheers for everything

it is pretty amazing how good i am at wasting time. if they would pay me for that i'd be a bazillionaire. and then i'd buy you all ice cream.

there certainly are a lot of results when i google my name. (everyone has done this, right?) many of my name twins are important historical figures. there is apparently at least one famous artist, a set designer, a few french teachers, some important nurses. oddly enough, one of the only entries for the actual me says that i am a man. which, while clearly false, is still slightly disconcerting because of how well little boy's clothes tend to fit me.

i have been awake for 21 hours. how and why this happens may always be a complete mystery to me. i spend half of the day battling my droopy eyelids only to arrive at bedtime completely awake. i will spend tomorrow feeling totally jet lagged.
it was a good day, though. it turns out my instructor this quarter is totally cool and the nurses at children's actually like their jobs and want to teach us. how refreshing. it's the kind of environment that just might make a person want to learn. and you wouldn't believe the sunshine and springlike weather we had here today. sorry to those of you stuck in winterland, but at least you get thunderstorms sometimes.

hip hip hooray!

just hoping for the best

i hate fucking up on the first day.
or in this case, even before that. and at this point there is nothing i can do about it. nobody answered their phones today or returned my messages to offer any help. so now i just have to wait until tomorrow and hope that this won't set the stage for a terrible quarter. i have 8 more hours to think about it before admitting that i'm not prepared. i think that of all the feelings in the world, that is my least favorite. it's at least way up there on the list of bad ones.

on an entirely different and much better note, michele says that i should make it happen. you can all feel free to pray that it does.

i'm going to go fold laundry for a few minutes to try and calm down before attempting to sleep. the only thing worse than being unprepared for a 12 hour day of really intense stuff is to also show up already exhausted.

at least i'm just going to children's and not the guillotine. i mean, that would be a lot worse, right?

standin' in the courtyard singin' to her dog

sometimes i feel like a miserable excuse for a 27 year old.

on that note, "undergrad times: part II" seems to be going pretty well. i'm just not really sure it suits me all that well. that's probably why "undergrad times: part I" went down the way it did.
it is pretty fun that i might have come across some new folks to play with though. literally. yesterday we played softball and tennis and soccer and whiffle ball and had a barbecue. it was pretty much a cornucopia of springtime fun.

i love to drink chocolate milk out of the ET glass i got a couple of years ago in a christmastime white elephant gift exchange. it used to be tirza's, which makes it even better to me. if you come to visit i'll drink out of something else so you can try it. it's probably worth the plane ticket just for that.

and...
i'm off. happy opening day.