disclaimer

over the last few months i have been having what i will call, for lack of a better term, an inner struggle. it has just been such a weird time... part of me is still adamant about how all of this really, in the grand scheme of things, is no big deal. yes, there have been some moments where i have been emotional, or when things physically were terrible, or times that were just plain weird. but i know that people go through so very much worse, and even in my worst times i just know that i am so very lucky.

and so i struggle with what to share, and how to share it. that link i posted a little while back of the story on npr was sort of a catalyst for me. it got me connected to a number of people's cancer blogs, which were/have been extremely helpful for me as this time has unfolded. it is odd how total strangers can sometimes understand and relate to things in your life better than even your closest people. part of me wanted to post things on here that would maybe wind up helping someone else one day like those blogs helped me--but then again arose the entire internal debate about whether or not what i have been going through is actually worth talking about. i don't want to whine, or complain, or be a total wimp about things that are really not a very big deal.

i have clearly thought about all of this way more than i need to or should. and what i have decided is that, whatever is or is not true about the degree of badness of this situation, it has still produced many stories that are worth telling. if they get boring or seem whiny to you, i give you my full permission to pretend that i never wrote them.

i am not sure in what order i will tell my stories. chronological seems sensical, though i tend to think of them much more randomly. regardless, they'll be here soon.