a year in review: 2006

this has been quite a year in my life... and as it draws to a close i have been thinking back on just how much has happened and how different i must be at the end of it.
there were some definite highlights: seeing the running of the bulls in pamplona and the bastille day fireworks in paris, meeting naomi cape, officially starting down the road to nursedom…
but there have been some real low points as well: leaving athens, starting school and being disappointed in the program, having my heart broken…

i’m not really sure how to rate this one. there have been tough years in the past that have stretched me and tired me out. there have been years where the lists of negatives and positives were clearly weighted in one direction, or where i know i learned a ton but would do things differently if given a redo. i can’t say that this year is like that. there was a whole lot of good, and even the really challenging and painful stuff had good sides to it. i don’t have any regrets really, or wish i’d done anything differently. maybe i would have chosen a different school, maybe i wouldn’t have come back to seattle. and yet even that has some really huge positive aspects, and there are things here i just couldn't get anywhere else.

if forced to to assign a number to 2006 on a scale of 1-10, i think i would give it a solid 5. it was perhaps the greatest roller coaster year of my life so far, balancing out, in the end, to average.

and now i'm looking forward to 2007, a new year full of possibilities and adventures that i'm sure i can't even begin to imagine...
happy new year.

winter sports

i hit the slopes today for the first time in 3+ years. i was trying (not very hard) to do the math, and i think that's how long it has been. it was the absolute perfect day to be out there: good snow, sunshine, middle of the week sized crowds. it all came back to me pretty quickly. it still feels like flying. the people you meet out there are almost always so nice and friendly and enjoyable--unless they have a cold and screaming kid or problems with gear or something. but usually they're fun-loving people out to have a good time and enjoy being outside.

i wish you could have seen the mountains. the mountains on such a cold and clear day... are pretty much indescribable. but they made my heart ache a little bit, made me think of God.

part of the fun of a day like today is coming in. when the sun went down it got really stinkin' cold, and by the end of my last trip up the lift my fingers and toes literally hurt from the cold and the rest of me was icy and shaking. something about dangling 20 feet above the ground in the wind... so i turned the heat up in the car on the way home, and when i got here i drank some beer and watched a movie. i meant to shower beforehand, but i stopped at kid valley down the street and wanted to eat before my fries got cold. i'm still in my long underwear now. next comes my pajamas.

it feels good to have played outside all day. it feels good to have used my body and to be tired. tomorrow it may not feel quite so good... but for now i'm going to enjoy it.

christmas

it's christmas. i sure am a lucky girl.

i took a walk tonight to look at christmas lights in our neighborhood and call some of my "family" that lives far away. i stepped on a slug.

last night the family went to a mega-church for christmas eve service. we were packed in like sardines (but it was better than last year when we were relegated to the overflow sanctuary). the woman in front of me had on troll earrings dressed as santa claus with bright green hair.

sometimes it's hard in the midst of everything to remember what this whole holiday is really about. but when i stop and think of it i am amazed. i have read the christmas story in matthew and luke 1-2 every year of my life. i hope i will always be filled with wonder and awe, no matter how many times i hear it.
this year the thing that really strikes me the most is the way all of the people react. we just always hear about how Jesus was born to a virgin and accept it without really thinking about what this might have been like. or how, instead of avoiding public ridicule and shame, which would have been so much easier and more convenient for joseph, he went ahead and took mary home anyway because of this "dream" he had. or how the shepherds just dropped what they were doing and went to the manger. the way the whole story is told is just so straightforward, so matter of fact, so simple. and everyone involved just accepts their situation and does what God asks of them without question or argument--even though what they are being asked is completely insane. they are totally obedient. because they know that God is good and they trust him.
that is a kind of faith i may never understand.

merry christmas, friends. i hope you are all well, that you are surrounded by people who make you feel loved, and that this whole thing is more than just a nice story to you today.
blessings.

happy solstice

it is the winter solstice and i would like all of you to raise a glass in honor of longer days to come. currently in seattle the sun rises around 8am and sets around 4pm.
BUT...
starting tomorrow that will begin to change. the pendulum will begin to swing the other direction and before i know it daylight will once again touch my pale skin.

my mind is full but i don't have words. perhaps i will find them with time.

humans are interesting. we put things off and avoid things because we think that will make them easier. we think if we just ignore the problem it will go away. perhaps sometimes this actually works. but mostly it just really doesn't.

these are my thoughts on vacation--i'm a real barrel of fun, aren't i?

8 miles from casa

this will be the title of my first book.

i am in athens. it is lovely to be back. this town holds a special little piece of me that i can't really seem to find anywhere else. i like the me i am here.

i have already had some great times on this trip: i got to spend a day with the wilkes-es in columbus, see mae play some of my favorite songs, eat dinner and catch up with one of my oldest friends at one of my favorite restaurants, see bananarchy and southeast engine, go to central, spend an afternoon with jess who drove all the way down from peninsula, meet some brand new humans... and there is so much more goodness to come. i know this week is going to go by much too quickly. but i will love it and i am so thankful to be here.

more soon, friends.

it's almost here

i dropped my bread on the floor. then i picked it up and now i'm eating it. does this make you respect me less?

i get to leave this place tomorrow for 9 whole days. i am really excited about that. i'm so looking forward to seeing some of you, and getting to read whatever i want when i want to, and getting to maybe even sleep a little bit. vacation is the best thing ever.

i hope you get some time off too.

my name is liz and i am compulsive

i am pretty much incapable of telling a lie. at least one that is in any way believable by any person who is actually alive. which i suppose is a good quality to have, really. but it is more than this. not only can i not tell a lie, but i am compulsively honest.

today i took a little study break and crossed the street to the bean and bagel. i ordered my bagel and was paying and the girl at the register asked if i wanted a drink. i was filling my mug and she said "oh, just a refill for you (wink wink)?"

now everyone knows that a cup of coffee is no priceless menu item, and clearly the nice girl was really trying to be kind to an obviously weary soul by treating me to a hot caffeinated beverage. but instead of just accepting the free cup of coffee (which i think costs something like a whopping 85 cents when you bring your own mug), i corrected her and said it was my first cup, forcing her to charge me for it--and also to look at me with nothing but pure skepticism. sorry, nice girl. i just can't seem to help myself.

in my defense this little hole in the wall was bustling at the time. and i am clearly not in peak form right now...

i often wonder if i just need to think more before speaking and acting and these sorts of things could be avoided.
and also, it's kind of funny how i seem to feel bad for not lying and essentially stealing a cup of coffee. i guess i'm also compulsively guilty.

5 minutes ago i was sitting outside in the sunshine eating a bagel. now it is pouring.

i'm off to final #2.
sigh.

i think i can, i think i can...

has anyone ever read the little engine that could?
right now i feel like that little steam engine, sitting at the bottom of the hill, slowly starting my ascent towards the peak.
read it. it's a good little pick me up.

i feel like all of my fun and creativity has been sucked from me, leaving me in a state you will not find appealing or enjoyable to read. over the next few days, if i post, please be kind if it's nothing more than a shopping list, or an explanation of a disease process, or something equally terrible. soon it will be break and i am, perhaps naively, clinging to the hope that some time off will enable me to return to my pre-finals self. until then, well, thanks for your understanding and support.

'tis the season, or whatever

tonight i discovered that seattle park and rec puts on several annual holiday events in the area, and i just happened to be lucky enough to encounter world yulefest at the lake: 2006*. i guess the holiday spirit has struck the city...

i know it sounds nice to all of you. and parts of it were, i guess: the path around the lake was lined with glowing paper lanterns, giving the whole place a warm and friendly feel; families were spending nice quality time together, strolling beside the lake; the sounds and smells of this blessed season... it's all lovely, i get it.

but for me as a person trying to run and not seeking any holiday cheer, it was a different set of circumstances entirely. what it meant for me was that, in addition to the usual dimly lit pathways and tree roots peppering the trail, a whole new set of perils lingered before me. hordes of small children running and playing, dogs on and off leash, and random vendors selling holiday wares, hot chocolate and goodies, and the ever-popular jingle bell necklace and light-up rudolph nose, all freely crossed back and forth on the path before me, seemingly unaware that it is also used by people besides them. at one point i nearly toppled a mother pushing a stroller as they popped out from a bush beside the path. i bet that would have squelched her christmas spirit.

i have never seen that many people at the lake at one time. from families taking the kids on an outing to couples wandering arm in arm to the musicians playing holiday favorites on the marimba or the traditional christmas bagpipe, this was a night for everyone. i would confidently guess that there were more people here tonight than the entire population of j's island.

all of this made me want to run faster to get away from it--and because it felt like lots of people were watching me, wondering what the heck i was doing running past all of the festivities instead of stopping to enjoy them--yet it slowed me down as i tried not to hurt anyone.

i don't think that any of this really affected my feelings about the holidays one way or another. i guess it reminded me that they're coming, though it seems that they're approaching about as fast as i ran around the lake tonight, huffing and puffing, weaving around all kinds of obstacles and perils along the way. but i got here despite the odds--and by God, the holidays will too.

*the event name listed here may not be entirely accurate

secret places, secret people

if you haven't listened to gershwin in a while i would recommend doing so again soon.

i have a few secrets that i guard pretty closely. for example, i have found my new favorite place in seattle. and while there is a part of me that wants to tell you all about it and detail each of the many things i love, i fear that if i do, suddenly people i know will start showing up here, diminishing the sweet privacy of it and stripping me of that feeling of ownership or discovery that i am so thoroughly enjoying right now. perhaps in time i will stop being so greedy and let you all in on it. but for now i'm going to keep it all for me.

have you ever met somebody that you want to be friends with, and even think that you would really get along well with because you're pretty similar and have a lot in common--and yet there is still something in the way? you really can't put your finger on it, but there is an awkwardness or discomfort that doesn't make any sense but is present nonetheless? i don't think that i understand how relationships work at all. amongst the thousands of people you meet there are certain ones who you instantly get along with, who are easy and delightful for no specific reason; and there are people who, despite all of your efforts, best intentions, and against all reason and intuition, you will never really know. there is no formula to it, no logical rationale, no way to explain who is which and why. it's just a mystery.

oh yeah, this is what it's like

i'm so sorry my entries have been so boring lately. my life certainly hasn't been.

last night i made instant hot chocolate. it took 20 minutes. it's not that i'm inept, it's that these were the most complicated directions i have ever seen on a boxed thing. i wish i had the little carton in front of me now so that i could quote it exactly, but since i don't it went something like this:

"we recommend slow heating one cup of milk on the stovetop, stirring constantly eleven times in the clockwise direction followed by eleven times in the counterclockwise direction. when vapors rise from the pan add 3 tablespoons of chocolate and whisk until dissolved. enjoy plain or add liqueur."

i just want to know why 11 times... what is so magical about this number?
it was pretty good, though. katie and kim said it was way better this time than previous experiences. they think it's because i followed the directions; i think it's because i made it with love.

my life is about to become terrible for the next 2 weeks. i'm pretty much certain that it's my own damn fault. i tend to shoot myself in the foot pretty regularly. i wish i would stop doing that. i always tell myself that next quarter i'll do better, be more on top of things, have more discipline. instead it seems to go the other way and i wind up doing less. maybe i could get away with that before at those regular schools, but this is the harvard of nursing schools, dammit! (i haven't said that in a while and just really couldn't help myself.) this is also the time when lovely people are coming to town and i have to get some junk done for next quarter--like find money to pay for it. raise your hand if you love money as much as i do.

now i must go spend some quality time with sleep, for i know that we will not be seeing one another much in the next few days. hope you are all well, friends.

sometimes i just wish i could hug all of your troubles away.

i can't even believe that it's december already. how did that happen? i'm going to be in athens soon--i arrive 2 weeks from yesterday. i am really, really excited about that. i just have to finish finals first, which seems such an insurmountable feat right now. yes yes, i know i did a whole quarter of organic chemistry in 4 days. but that was different.

just to update you, the naked final went well. my instructor mentioned to me that i need to be a little more confident, which:
1) is probably easier to say when you're not the one who was just naked in front of someone with a clipboard;
2) we all already know.
but thanks for the advice anyway. i appreciate it, and i really will think about it. really.
plus i think it will be easier and a little more "natural" with real people in a real setting as opposed to the lab with my friend and a teacher evaluating everything i do.
and also, remember how 5 minutes ago i was naked? right.

if anybody has any tips for how to learn spanish really quick, let me know. i guess i have about a year, but i want to get a move on nonetheless.

it's been a good weekend so far. i have seen 3 really good movies already, studied with the gang, made cookies and cider, and enjoyed some glorious sunshine. sunshine, sunshine... how you reach into my soul. please don't leave me for so long again, i don't think i could take it.
and i still have a whole day left. i WILL make it count. you can be certain of that.