who will win?

i am tired. my family is celebrating christmas on sunday because half of them are moving away on monday, and i am not ready for it. i have presents for iris (of course), but that's all. i have a few ideas, some good, but i'm really not sure about the others. i want people to feel loved and appreciated by my gifts, which means that they have to mean something, be thoughtful in some way. i feel that i can be a very thoughtful person, but things like birthdays and holidays are hard because it means i have to be thoughtful on the spot. that's harder for me. anything on command is hard for me. i don't like to be told what to do... and also, i find that i would rather spend my time WITH these people instead of tooling around looking for things to show that i love them. right now i feel like the best way to love them is to give them my time and energy at the house anyway.

one nice thing (i'm trying to look on the bright side here) about people only being here for a short time is that it has encouraged me to explore this city more and do things i have wanted to but never felt the pressure. mostly that means seeing bands and eating at restaurants, but man has that been fun. i think that mostly i am still in total denial about what is about to happen. that's sort of how i roll, i keep myself ridiculously and unhealthily busy when things start to feel sad so that i can deny that it is about to happen, and then, just when i am about to totally fall apart, the thing that i have denied happens and i can't deny it any longer. i know that i'm doing this, but i don't really know how to stop it. and even if i could, feeling physically like crap is so much better than facing some realities...
true?
false?
bike?