holy haircut, batman!

i got my hair cut this week. i'm still working on growing it out, it just really needed to be tidied up a bit.
they always style it so much at the salon. they spend weeks blowing it dry and straightening every tiny section with a round brush and smoothing it with an iron. and they put in 80 products that each serve a different purpose: this one straightens it, while this one gives it lift and body so that the straightener doesn't weigh it down too much, and this one conditions, and this one calms the frizz... i always try and tell them (in a nice way) that there is really no need for all of this because i will never, EVER put that kind of effort into anything related to my appearance. i'd like to think that this defines me as "low maintenance." it probably just means "lazy." i'm okay with that.
and the funny thing is, that even after all of the effort and all of the resources that go into this one-time perfection, i always walk away feeling like i resemble an 80's rock star. which, contrary to what you may be thinking, has never been a goal of mine.

this new quarter, this new year, the chance to begin again--this has me feeling ambitious. there are so many things that i want to do this quarter. in addition to nursing school, i am going to take a spanish class to start getting ready for costa rica next winter. i also want to start volunteering somewhere again, and get a job so that i can move soon. and i need to apply for scholarships and financial aid again. and i think i'm going to join a co-rec soccer team, or perhaps a community dodgeball league.
i'm pretty certain that i keep myself insanely busy most of the time because it is so much easier than slowing down. when i do that i think about things that i don't want to deal with. when i do that i have to be alone with me and who i am and what i feel right now. i think distraction can be a really healthy coping mechanism sometimes, but i also think we have to deal with things at some point or we will never get better. it's the tough stuff that makes us better people--if we let it. avoiding it leads to stagnation. avoidance is both caused by and promotes laziness and fear. i find both in me right now.
i hope that one day, if i keep being honest about things and if i keep finding joy and hope in the little stuff of daily life and asking for help from God and other people, maybe i will become mature enough to have peace even in discomfort. being a human on earth is not comfortable. the world is not always pretty. thankfully we do not belong to the world but instead are a part of something infinitely better. ptl dudes. ptl.

i really need to learn when to stop saying things. i think that time is now.