lately i feel completely and totally unmotivated to do anything. at all. right now i am trying to muster up enough momentum just to brush my teeth so i can go to bed--and wondering how gross it would be if i just skipped that tonight. i'm pretty sure that i am justified in blaming this lack of energy and feeling of general malaise on working night shift. although i admit that every now and then i wonder if there is something really wrong with me, like maybe i have chronic fatigue syndrome, or ms, or some sort of cancer sucking my energy away, or maybe depression. and the other thing is that i secretly fear/know that despite this crushing tiredness, when i lie down in my bed i will probably not be able to sleep anyway. this is my life right now.
as my body gets worse and worse the job has become marginally better. i'm getting my sea legs, as they say. (?)
i wonder if i'll ever accomplish anything useful ever again, or if i am doomed to go to work and never ever do anything else. like vacuum my filthy rug. or start my tomato plants. or do my taxes. or brush my teeth.
baby steps.