reasons

i know that there are some people in this world who really love night shift and want to do it forever. part of me gets that, part of me kind of likes night shift. i like being awake when most people aren't. i like that nights have less going on than days (although sometimes it seems that all the nutty stuff happens to kids at night and there's nobody around to call for help). i like the people on nights more than those on days. i like getting paid more.

but i don't like the toll it is already paying on my body. i don't like being asleep when most people are awake. i don't like readjusting my sleeping and eating schedules multiple times a week. it makes me feel sick. i don't like missing out on the few precious hours of daylight. i don't like knowing that people who work night shift have higher rates of cancer and other bad stuff. and when you add it all up and boil it all down, at the end of the day, what i mean is... i miss life. a nice person reminded me the other day that i am much more than my job. why is that so hard to remember?

tonight i am on call, which means that i will probably have to work. i said it before and i'll say it again: i miss life. i really, really do.