night shift

wow, it is really late and i still have a fair amount of work to do. part of me hates this. part of me doesn't mind so much. there is something kind of nice about being the only person up on my block. it is cold and rainy out, i'm in my sweats, sitting at my desk listening to nice music and working on my paper under the light of my eiffel tower lamp. i'm learning lots of things and feeling really tired but kind of smart. i know the truth is that any primate on earth could know the things that i am learning if they were crazy enough to read these fat textbooks or have access to the online journals. it's a pretty strange thing to live as a student; kind of a bittersweet existence. it is really, really hard. it is hard to remember sometimes that my identity and worth do not come from any success or failure in this program; tough to remember that this whole mess is not a mistake but that i am here for some sort of reason; that no matter how tired i get or how much money it winds up costing, i will be okay; that life is a balance and those times i want to do fun things i should probably be working and those times i'm working i should be sure to have fun too. i think i'm getting used to it all again. i think i've already come a really long way, even just in a few weeks.

tomorrow after all of this madness is done we're going to happy hour. call me if you want to come, i'd love for you to meet my friends and classmates. it's really exciting to think about 3 whole days off and no reason not to drink: i don't have to get up early friday morning, i don't have any homework to do tomorrow night, no more tests or papers to turn in... all of that will start again on saturday.
i guess i really should focus on knocking out this current paper and getting to bed at some point. hope you're all tucked in nice and tight, dreaming of beautiful things and lovely people...