whaaaat

it is very hard to write things here these days. i think that partly it is because there is so very much going on that i can´t possibly express it all, and even if i could, the words i say here would not do things justice. i think also it is because the more time i spend writing the less time i spend playing. and i think partly it is probably because i´m not really sure there is a whole lot of point. i do not mean anything bad by this, but it is hard to believe that what i say will be understood by anyone who is not here with me right now. i could tell lots of stories (and i do plan to do this once home and able to process things and sort through the last 3 months properly), and post pictures, and say things about what it´s like, but the truth is that it really is not possible to make it "real" for anyone else. and maybe that doesn´t matter and maybe i am being small-minded by feeling this way. i appologize if this is the case, and i appologize because i am probably not giving any of you enough credit. but there you have it.

right now shannon and kristin and i are in guatemala. we have good adventures together. shannon and i randomly came across some folks the other day who convinced us to change our plans and hike up a volcano and camp for a few days instead of going to a famous market in a town a few hours away. and i will say that i can´t even believe that we almost missed out on this experience. it was one of the best things i´ve done in a long time. shannon expressed it best best by saying that it restored her soul. indeed.

again, the people we have met have blown me away. this time it has been a handful of ex-pats and travelers, some of whom are in and out of the country, some have been here a few years. i have been thinking a whole lot about all of the people i have met over the past few months. i have always known that i am a people person, that people are what make my life complete. perhaps that´s wrong somehow, or perhaps this makes me too dependent in ways that i shouldn´t be. i´m not sure quite yet. but what i will say is that this realization combined with all of these amazing people i have been meeting has been doing funny things to my mind. i´m not sure how to say this accurately yet, and i fear this may seem terribly rude, though hopefully not hurtful to anyone i know. but i really wonder what things will be like at home. i know that it has only been such a short time since i left, but i feel that a lot has changed--in me and in life and in my friends, and i don´t know what that will mean when i´m back in that other place. sometimes it feels that the more i do things like this that i really love and that make me feel whole in ways i can´t at home, and the more people i meet who are "like me" or who inspire me so much, the more i am divided from everything that is "normal" and "right" back home. the more this kind of lifestyle becomes a real possibility and the more i daydream about what i could do with my life, the less i feel understood by or connected to things i once held so dear.

granted, this is coming at a time when i am on the move and things are amazing. and i am certain that once i return home and remember all of the goodness there i will feel entirely differently once again. i guess i just wonder if i should...
sometimes i wish i could live life more than once. sometimes i wish i didn´t have to make choices, that i could do one life at home and one life of adventuring. is it possible to do both, to make a balance between these? i`d really like to think so. and i´d really like to give it a shot.

anyway, here i am rambling again, probably making little sense and a lot of trouble. i promise to share stories of the adventures soon. i´m headed to athens in a little over a week to see the ohio fam. my niece is huge and turning into a big person so quickly... which means that i will see some of you soon, and probably force you to let me verbally process through a lot of this with you. i´m telling you now so you can prepare yourselves mentally and physically for this challenge.

i hope you are all doing well.
love love love,
liz.