is this still night, or shall we call it morning

right now i'm sitting in my little room beneath the light of my new eiffel tower desk lamp. i'm listening to an album from a friend who told me it helped him through many late night paper writings in college. i seem to be having some trouble sleeping lately, so i'll tell you a few stories from my day.

1.
i got up this morning and took a walk around the neighborhood. there's a school just a few blocks from here, and right behind the school is this little park with a grassy area in the middle and a gravel path around the edge. the middle bit has been divided up into a series of squares with neat, straight, white paint lines, and this morning the squares were being used as little soccer fields for the use of little soccer teams. by this i mean that not only were the people playing very small (they were kids), but there were only 5 players on each side. on each of the four mini-fields, a pastel pink team was playing a fluorescent orange team. i'm not entirely sure how every team had the same colors because the kids did not seem to be the same ages, and also some of the teams were co-ed while some were single gender. but instead of asking questions i decided just to enjoy all of the fun that the little guys were obviously having.
as i sat on one of several large rocks in the park and frightened the parents by being some weirdo stranger watching their children for no apparent reason, i was impressed by how much better these kids were than i remember little kid soccer players being. they were actually playing the game with elements of strategy and coordination instead of simply all running after the ball haphazardly to kick it in whatever direction they happened to be facing. they were enjoying themselves so fully, putting everything they had into the game and getting such satisfaction back.
i wish more grown-ups still played like this.


2.
traffic is one of the things that i definitely did not miss while i was away. i don't really understand how there is ALWAYS traffic here, no matter what time of the day or night and no matter what day of the week.
while inching along the freeway today i saw 3 suv limos, 2 of which were hummers. can anyone explain to me the point of these vehicles? i mean, they're as big as a bus but can't carry as many people. their gigantic size makes them so cumbersome and seemingly difficult to maneuver. and why an suv? seriously, you're not about to go off-roading in your limo. and even if you did, even if it were actually built to withstand this kind of activity, you're not about to climb down from your lofty hummer and hike around in your wedding gown or armani suit or stiletto heels or whatever. come on now, stop pretending. we all know the truth.
i criticize because i just feel a bit saddened that companies like hummer, that were created to design and build specific vehicles for specific utilitarian purposes, have sold out and gone the way of trendiness or profits or whatever it is.


it's so late and all i want is to just sleep. but i know that i will go to my warm and cozy bed, lie down, let my head sink softly into my fluffy pillow and close my eyes to dream... only to feel my mind flood with thoughts, thoughts of everything and everyone and everything. possibilities and responsibilities and memories and regrets and concerns, to-do lists and wish lists and lists that i should really write down so i don't forget before morning. my mind can't seem to stop these days. i read books and listen to music and drink alcohol in an attempt to put the brakes on, to drag my heels and slow it down just enough to pass out from the complete exhaustion that encompasses me. but somehow it keeps going, persisting, insisting that there is still more to ponder before rest can come. oh how i wish i knew what it was so i could just deal with it and get some sleep...