okay then

"I was disgusted with myself for having complained about things. I was doing what I did of my own free will and I was doing it stupidly. ... You God damn complainer. You dirty saint and martyr, I said to myself."

i feel like a mean grumpus with a bad attitude right now, so i'm going to hold off on writing tonight and hope for a few good hours of sleep to make me better.

remember how like one month ago my entire life was totally different???

i can't really believe how much has changed in such a short amount of time. i know a lot of it is my own damn fault. but regardless, sometimes when i remember about all of that i feel a little less terrible and guilty for feeling kind of down on days like today. and a little more thankful for the amazing friends in my life. i really don't deserve you kids, but thanks for all the lovin'.