like a giant cosmic slingshot

i feel like life is hurling me along at an insane speed these days. i will be working on something diligently, yet thinking of the 18 other things that must get done by their deadlines. i find myself continuously looking ahead, reaching out and grasping at the next task. and each one propels me forward at a greater velocity due to stress or panic, a desire to get done and have 20 minutes of rest at the end of the day, or sheer mania caused by the continuous motion and the possibility of accomplishment.

my natural reaction to all of this is to look forward to its completion. "wow, it will be so nice when this is over," "i can't wait to be done," "that'll be the day..."

but the thing is, this is my life. i realize that two years really is not all that long, but i don't want to just throw it away. i don't want to "get through" my life: i want it to be great, i want there to be something beautiful in every day, i want to live, not survive. because the truth is that things happen all the time and who am i to say how long my life will last?

i realize that this looks different at different times of our lives. i guess i'm just using this venue to process what it is to "live" my life right now. i fear complacency, i fear stagnation, i fear having my spirit crushed by "the man" and his system. sometimes it seems so much easier to just give up and get in line with everyone else. sometimes that's exactly what i feel like i'm doing. sometimes i hate myself for it.

if ever i uncover any shining gem of wisdom about this i will be sure to let you all know. and if anyone has any great and brilliant ideas feel free to pass 'em on.
for now, i'm going to go run around the lake and pretend that nessy's in there.