brutal honesty

i'm going to the harvard of nursing schools, or so everyone loves to keep telling me.

great. that sounds really nice and all, but what does it even mean? what's the point of going to such a "prestigious" institution? who is this program really designed for? and do i fit the profile?
i guess that sometimes i just wonder what i'm doing here. sometimes it seems like this isn't really the right place for a girl like me, for someone who isn't really all about the reputation and prestige of a school. i didn't come here because it's the number one school in the country. sure, it does make me feel pretty good that i got in and it will probably be fun to think about if i make it through. but i don't want to become a world-renowned research nurse. i don't want to discover or invent new drugs. heck, sometimes i'm not even really sure i actually want to be a nurse at all.

and yet here i am. tomorrow i will wake up after sleeping far too few hours, take a test i'm only sort of prepared for, turn in a take home exam that's only mostly done, sit in lectures and be bombarded with information i don't yet understand, meet with my study group to prepare for the test we have on friday, and pretend the whole time that this is exactly what i'm all about. this is what i live for. this will get me to a job and a place in life that i'm totally excited about and will love every single day of my life.

i do really like some of the folks in my class, though. today i realized that we are all feeling like this. as four of us sat at starbucks tonight trying to make sense of the miniscule details of active immunity, somehow we became more of a support group than a study group. we commiserated about how painful all of this is, how we have all cried and lost sleep and wondered if we have made a terrible mistake. it is somehow comforting to know that it's not just me struggling. i think this is going to bond us; these are our war stories, we are in battle together. hopefully we all make it out alive.